Pulled down by expectations!

After continued attempts at penning my thoughts on paper, frustrated, irritated and filled with despair, I still don’t know where to start. And until I don’t pour the words out, this clenched feeling in my heart just won't go away.

Not a state you’d like to be in — where you have so much to say, yet you don’t know how to say it!

In plain and simple words, without bothering to embellish or adorn it –

I am disappointed. 

With myself. With others around me.

There, I said it!

Yes, disappointed.

Every time, the delicate lace of expectations that I weave, comes apart, I try and depict the pattern again!

Why?

Why, when people have disappointed me, do I trust them again?

Why do I seek them again when they were the ones who left me alone?

Why do they become a priority in my life, while I still remain an option?

Blame it on the unrestricted and boundless flow of emotions through us humans, I guess!

All seems to go well, and when you least expect it, all goes downhill!

Such is the way of life.

It surprises you when you expect it the least, but need it the most.

I am sorry to have bored you with this note of self pity and I want to thank you for having taken out the time to read this!

It truly means a lot to me!

Just one sincere and heartfelt advice –

Love yourself. More than anyone else in the world. Because you deserve it!

I do! Do you?

Dedicated to those who made me realize along the way that love doesn't always give back love! Thank you for teaching me one of the harsh realities of life...

I do! Do you?

I never meant to hurt you,

I never meant to slight you,

I wish you'd understood me,

I'd never have gone without you.

My love was all I had for you,

My concern was all I showered on you,

Yet you thought I pestered you,

I'd never have done that to you.

If I was tired, I was no fun,

If I was fun, I was trying too much,

You always had a complain about me,

I'd always tried not to do that to you.

I wish you'd loved me,

I wish you'd seen me,

I wish you'd cared for me,

Because that is all I ever did to you.

Forever and ever and ever...

Here 'n' there!

Well, I’ve been meaning to write for sometime but just haven't found the time... And energy... And inclination... And idea...

Well still at a loss on what to write about, (it happens when your mind is filled with Maths formulae, Tax provisions and concepts of Accounting in a bid to finish the exam syllabus ASAP!) here's just a quick recap of things that caught my eye but weren't enough for individual posts!

• The trailer of Love, Lies and Seeta in which the girl says “love is a lie every teenage girl tells herself.” Loved the line!

• Now that my CA final tuitions have begun (at 6.30 in the morning!) I realize that Calcutta does wake up early!

• And the feeling which overwhelms me every time my short stories are appreciated was something I experienced multiple times during the past week! My friends at office deserve special mention and attention in this case! Thank you people!

• But the one news which made me prance about in the air was that the TV show Castle will now feature on Indian television not one but five days a week!

Wrapping up with nothing more to say yet lots left!

See you again in a week!

Till then keep sharing your ‘here n there!’

Giving you more reasons to smile!

Sometimes even a simple memory can make you smile and at times it takes more than two to do the tango!

By the time you finish reading this, I want your face to be lit with a dazzling smile!

Here goes!

A tale that never ends!

The Calcutta sun does take its toll on you! While travelling, my mind was wandering and idling away, when another idea hit me!

What if, just what if, parts of the HP (read: Harry Potter, for all those who still don't know what that meant!) world could actually come true?!

Experiencing shock waves in a bus!

The other day, while on my way back from office, I found an empty seat near an elderly man in the bus.
Few minutes later, a petite young woman came and stood beside me. Within a minute she asked the gentleman to get up!
Surprised, I looked up at her and she pointed towards the plank which read "Reserved for ladies".

The gentleman might have been hard of hearing because he didn't respond. At first, she started muttering to herself and then she actually asked me, "Can't he hear or what?". As if that wasn't enough, some moments later she tapped the man on the shoulder and told him, "This seat is reserved for ladies. Please get up."
"I am a handicapped person.", he said softly.
Undeterred she repeated again, "Go and find yourself a seat. This is only for women."
After a minute or two, whether embarrassed or frustrated, I don't know, he got up from there. When I offered him my own seat, he politely refused. On seeing he wasn't even being able to stand in the moving bus, a young man seated near got up for him.


I don't know whether this is a regular affair in buses, but I was shocked! Have our manners and values really gone this down the drain?!

Words you must read!

After a really long while, I found the time to read some books. And the ones I took up turned out to be such fabulous reads, I just couldn't resist wielding my pen about them!

From me, with love!

As I sit here writing this, it's raining cats and dogs in Calcutta!
The weather just makes me feel lazy and I can't help recalling scenes from the film 2012 (it's that bad!), whenever a loud clap of thunder follows the lightning in the clouded grey sky!
Looking out my 6th floor window, I see a small green leaf being toyed around by the winds, fluttering right and left, dancing around in swirls. I wanted to move around in the rain just like that! It felt magical and just so surreal, standing there staring at the leaf, all else a blur (quite literally) and no care in the world!

The view from my window at 6.30 am.

The same scene at an hour later!

And my mind wandered back to the magical moments my family and friends gifted me yesterday! I couldn't have asked for a better day to turn 20!



Abounding love, surprises, joy and kindness was strewn all over my day. Little unexpected twists and turns, scurried attempts to hide the surprises planned for me, friends coming over and wishes from people I had thought were long lost and forgotten!










To all those who made my birthday so special, I want to thank you from the core of my heart!









It's true : What goes around, indeed does come around.
And it will continue to remain so!

Don't let time fly!

Kabhi kabhi toh milte hai (we meet very rarely), my cousin said yesterday evening. That is exactly what has been going on in my mind since then! How rarely we manage to get time out for the ones dear to us!

We're all so busy with our lives, our work, that the time left has to be spent very carefully to satisfy all. A year ago, when I was preparing for a major exam, I’d only spent time with my books for around a month or so. And at that point of time, I’d promised myself, I’d give time to all that I’d neglected during the preparation. And I had later. But today a year later, when I’m going to office on a regular basis with no long vacation in the near future it is so difficult to please everyone in one Sunday!

Today we live in such a competitive world, racing against time, immersed in our work, involved in our own lives that we fail to regard the other important aspects of our life. Our relations, our friends, our passions, our pleasures ― they all take a backseat. And we fail to understand when that backseat turns into neglect.

And years later all we will be left with will be regrets, unfulfilled wishes, laments...

You don’t want to live that way. No one does. So before you get lost in the whirlpool of distractions, stop for a while, take a deep breath, think about all those people you’ve been meaning to talk to for a long time and give one of them a call. Any one.

You’ll hear the smile in their voice! Trust me. Cuz I just did!

Once in a while, give yourself a break. You deserve it. Every one of us does. Just laze around. Relax. The world won’t come to a halt if you ease up a bit.

As the world proceeds ahead, tougher do the times get! But, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going!”

Move over CID! Castle's here to stay!

Two weeks ago, Crime at 10, kicked off on Star World. Season 4 of Castle began in India. I am a huge fan of the Castle series and more so because the only action thriller series we have here in India is the long standing and seemingly never-ending CID.

CID has been going on, on Sony TV, for what seems like forever (15 years, to be precise!). The core team of ACP Pradyuman, Daya, Abhijeet and Freddie has probably remained the same and sometimes even actors portraying the criminals have been repeated! Every case has the same action sequences with Daya breaking doors, Abhijeet jumping around, ACP giving away orders for even the smallest of jobs like making a phone call (all the while practicising Fleming's left-hand rule! You know what I mean? For details search CID PJs on Google!) and the entire team taking potshots at Freddie! Even the so-called banter between the Forensic lab doc and the Head of the CID department has now lost its flavour. 
And have you noticed how all the CID officers stand in a semi-circle around the criminal in the last scene of the episode facing the camera instead of facing the criminal?! Every Indian, whether as a critique or fan, has at some point or the other definitely seen CID. I, for one, am a critique.


One night, while flipping channels, I stopped at Star World. That was my first glimpse of Richard Castle. He was, as usual nagging Katherine Beckett with his out-of-the-world theories. One episode was enough to make me fall in love with them both! That was the first series of Castle being shown on Indian television. Voila! My search for a good detective series on TV was over! I wouldn't have to satiate my thirst by watching CID now!


Castle is funny, has mystery dipped in a fair amount of the stomach-churning butterfly moments of romance between Kate and Richard and a huge platter of human drama and emotions. All without losing the main plot of a being a thriller. Maybe it's not the best of its genre but I love what I see and all else doesn't really matter. Not just Castle and Beckett, but the rest of the team also add to the fun! The banter between Espesito and Ryan, the bonding with the old Captain and the fear of the new one, the small scenes of Castle with his family — they all add to the essence of the series.
The portrayal of both the lead characters has been done beautifully. While on one hand, Kate is the always-confident and ready-to-give-it-all for the department, she has her own share of pains and insecurities. Castle, however funny and child-like he might seem with his weird theories and just-too-active mind, is mature enough when it comes to his daughter, Alexis. He is his family's support system even when on the move with Beckett. Their characters have flaws and thus seem more human and closer to real life than reel life!

Even today, when my dad and sister sit and watch CID, I sit with them just to pass time by finding loopholes in the plot, pass comments on the acting or just to see how funny these guys look every time they enter empty houses with guns, all ready to be fired, held at shoulder level! My dad tries doing the same with me while watching Castle but within five minutes he gets so engrossed in the show, he forgets all about irritating me!


It's time CID ended and the Indian masses were given a more decent, modern and watchable crime thriller to watch on Friday and Saturday nights!
Till then, at least I have Castle!