To dream of love...

I got into my car. After a long day of work, all I wanted to do was sleep! I asked the driver to take me home.

I checked my cell for any messages or calls. Three calls from Mother! I called her and told her I'll be home in another 30 minutes. No messages from Nikhil. Wishful thinking.

I laid my head on the seat, stashed away the phone in my bag.

He held my hand in his. I looked to my right. Nikhil was sitting, reading something on his cell. I squeezed his hand lightly. Tearing his eyes from his cell, he looked at me and smiled. His eyes locked with mine.

Just the sight of him made my heart skip a beat! He didn't even know that my heart does that for him.

He set his cell aside.  I snuggled closer to him, resting my head on his shoulders. Being near him, somehow felt so reassuring. I just wanted to stay like that forever. The silence didn't hurt. The ache in my back did!

"Long day?" he asked.

"Hmmm. Very long. Very tiring!"

"Tell me about it."

"You don't wanna know."

"Of course I do."

"Then how come you never call. Or ask. Or spend some time alone. You know I'd like it."

"You never said so."

"Well, I just did! I like you, and I treat you special. I want to feel the same."

There was no reply.

I turned to look at him. Umm, there was no him!

I looked at my palm cupping the air, waiting for someone to slide a hand in.

Crap! I'd drifted off to sleep!

People say dreams come true! I wanted to make sure this one did.

I retrieved my cell from my handbag.

I dialed Nikhil.

"Hey!" said the voice at the other end.

"Hi!"

"Long day?" he asked.

My heart skipped a beat!

Exam? What the hell!

Hi!

I have an exam to write tomorrow!

And here I am writing to you guys!

And that's because I've done everything else I could to distract myself from pages and pages of the boring-ly theoretical audit paper I have tomorrow. My under-grad audit paper.

Sitting at home, with the Celsius chart soaring, I could feel the bout of laziness coming over me in the morning itself! After much deliberations with my boss, I'd managed to get an off today. And there I was studying for half an hour at a go and taking a one hour break thereafter!

I watched half of Gossip Girl, then returned to 'Is the auditor a watchdog or bloodhound?'. Later, I tuned into a sci-fi comedy Fantastic Four followed by how audit is different from investigation. So bored was I that I went on Facebook after really long and liked statuses and pics randomly, installed, tried, then uninstalled apps on my phone and even checked out my Pinterest profile! All the while studying in between, mind you!

I still have around 30 pages to read. I've just tried on a new shade of nail paint. Read two pages. Started writing this post on insistence of my friend Ritika, who by the way, is in a worse state than me! She has 50 pages left to read!

Now that I've updated you guys, I guess I'll have to start studying again.

But before that, sorry Boss but I really, really am studying! Just with a little too many breaks in between!

Cool or un- cool?!

Of late I've noticed a lot of things going around me - some appreciable; others rather disappointing!

The other day, I was travelling to an early morning tuition by bus, and to my surprise I saw the bus was being manned by a lady conductor! That was so damn cool, considering the fact that you see very few female passengers at that time of the day, and here was a lady managing a bus by herself. In view of the depressing state of affairs of west Bengal, when it comes to women, this was indeed a welcome sight.

Often in offices, you notice that a lot of the employees and in some cases (though not so rare), even employers are re-christened with names, names which may not be supposed to mean well. To a certain extent, the re-christening part is bearable, but at times when it gets too rough and rude, it becomes really, really, un-cool! It then looks like a clear cut expression of not wanting to work under or with someone, either out of ego or due to lack of compatibility and failure to adjust.

Singing for your girlfriend, and letting out a low whistle on seeing her --- romantically cheesy yet understandably cool.

Hooting at a girl on the road and passing comments or singing to her, either directly or indirectly --- so not cool!

An initiative named M.A.R.D - Men Against Rape and Discrimination by Bollywood actor Farhan Akhtar, is so cool and hopefully will go on to be successful.

Keeping the name of your movie - Mard ko dard nai hota, is ... Do i really need to say it out loud?!

Life seems to be talking.

"Life always waits for some crisis to occur before revealing itself at its most brilliant."

And that is the best part about life! It throws curveballs and boomerangs at you! And you never know where your next step will lead you to, what the next day will bring for you, who the next person in your life will be...

Destiny, karma, tarot, fortune - these cannot decide what will happen. They cannot predict your future, no matter the tall claims they make.

It is all in your hands. The clay is ready to be moulded any way you want.

As I sit by my window, the sun playing peekaboo with the morning clouds, the spring breeze keeping the mood lazy, the sun rays reflecting on the glass paneled building in front of me, I feel good about my life.

My life is in my hands. And so is yours.

Is it me, or is the world losing it?

The world is indeed a strange place to live in...

We Indians believe in God, a lot, mostly out of fear. We believe in dedicating each day to a God. And we believe in celebrating every festival possible. All good till here? Well, mostly. Unless like me, you find this undaunted staunchness in religion weird. Now comes the stranger part.
To honour the Gods and Goddesses, we don't play hymns or bhajans at the make shift pandals in Calcutta. We play the most raunchy Bollywood songs available! From Sheila to Fevicol to Munni.. You just have to name it!

News came in today that there's been a meteorite shower in Russia. All these years whenever the papers carried news of prospective showers, they never were actually visible. And look today what hit the unprepared Russians! Way to go NASA and similar organizations!

Oh and the main traffic signals of Calcutta have songs of Rabindra Nath Tagore being played all day long. Like the honking wasn't enough! But that is the change our Honorable Chief Minister believes in bringing about. Are we obliged or what?!

Oh! The Gods have a new song to listen to... Hookah Bar is being played now!

Fiddling with the pen!

With the crazy schedules I seem to be having, and for sheer and shocking lack of any ideas to write on, I'm sharing a few of my doodles here. Here you go!

Wonder why?

I waited for days,
For you to come up.
But you never cared
Enough to realize.
I heard you,
when you wanted.
But you never cared
Enough to ask.
I was there
When you were at your worst.
But you couldn't care lesser
Even when I was at my best.
I wonder why
I even bothered.
Because the only good you ever did to me,
Was to go away with her.

The change I want to be.

It is that time of the year again! Time to make resolutions!
Another year has begun.

This year I am not keeping any resolutions. Not because I don't complete them (which most often I don't!), but because I promise to make every day a new day, because I promise to live in the present, because I will treat one day at a time, because I will be the change I want to see in others.

On the morning of the first day of the year, on the way to office all I could crib about was the fact that I had to work today also. When I finally emerged out of my self-obsession, I noticed a poor lady sitting in the same bus, with her three children. On the cold wintry morning, they barely had enough clothes to cover themselves. Their feet were bare. They looked fatigued. Yet they were smiling and talking to one another. I looked around me. There were others who would have to work much more than me. Not just today, everyday. The bus drivers, conductors, police personnel, domestic helps, the shopkeepers, their staff. And a lot of other people. I realized I am not the only person who works. There are several others in situations worse than me. I have several choices when it comes to my life. Several of them don't.

I felt, if nothing else, blessed.

And I decided that I will no longer complain. And this isn't a resolution. I don't want to forget this halfway into January 2013.

This is the change I want to be.

Happy New Year!

To sin by silence when we must protest makes cowards of men.

Is the world ending today?

Metaphorically it's nearing the end.

Because a girl doesn't feel safe of venturing out anymore. Because getting on a wrong bus can have as dangerous results as getting raped. Because the world doesn't stop to help you reach a hospital. Because you are treated like a rag doll by not just the ones who raped you but also by others who blame you for the rape. Because the police still hasn't caught the absconding cowards. And to top it all, this happened in the streets of the capital of India. I have no remorse in saying that humanity has ended.

And I say I have no remorse because we get enough of it from our politicians, police, carriers of justice and the countless other people in society who simply express remorse on every incident of assault carried not on any man or woman in this country. We are done with your sympathies.

Oh! And sympathies? Let's not get into it.

Our police and politicians issue warnings to women.

Don't go out at night!
Don't travel alone!
Don't wear clothes which may even be slightly inappropriate!

Somehow it is always construed to be the woman's fault.

Instead of blaming us for it all, do you people mind taking any steps to improve the society we are living in, to implement our laws effectively so that not even one of these social menaces dare harm us.

And I'm not saying only the men of our society have lost all shame and empathy.

Just today, while our teacher was announcing a candlelight march as a mark of silent protest during our tuition hours, I overheard this conversation :

Girl 1 -  What is he talking about?
Girl 2 - A march for the Delhi rape victim.
Girl 1 - Was she a CA student?
Girl 2  - No.
Girl 1 - Then why is he bothering us?

I have no words to express what I felt then.

It is time we did something about it. Yes, we. We, as humans, and not as the public, politicians, police, army men, but we as humans need to revive the humanity we seem to have lost.

It is never the wrong time to do the right thing.

But literally, will the world end or not? More than that should it or shouldn't it?

Just when you lose hope...

It was a normal working day. Nothing special. Except that it was his birthday. His first birthday away from home. His first birthday when he couldn’t share the joy of spending one more year with his loved ones. Calls poured in all day long. Yet he felt all the more away, all the lonelier, and all the more alone. Time to go back home he thought as he started putting his papers back in place.

His cell beeped. His roommate would be back late. His meeting had been delayed which meant birthday celebrations at home stood canceled. Great!

“Hey Abhinav! All packed? Lets go. I’ll drop you home” Gaurav said.

Gaurav was more of a friend than colleague. “Sumedha’s waiting downstairs” he said referring to his wife.

On the way home they stopped at a newly opened restraint.

“Happy birthday!” Sumedha wished him from behind the wheel, while Gaurav handed Abhinav a gift.

“What’s this guys?”

“Just to make you feel all the more special”

“Come we’re having dinner together, the treat’s on us.”

From the next hour Abhinav felt like he was almost home.

Yet when they dropped him off, he couldn’t help feeling lonely again. To ward off going to an empty home, he decided to take a small walk.

He called up his mother.

“Hi mom, what are you doing?”

“Happy birthday! We were just done with dinner.”

“No cake for dinner this year?” he asked, forlorn.

“We’ll definitely have some when we meet! I’ll bake your favorite chocolate cake. Where are you by the way? You haven’t reached home yet? Still working?”

“No mom! I’m done with dinner. Went out with Gaurav & Sumedha. Just out for a walk right now. I’m missing…”

“Abhi, I’ll call you back, wait” and the line disconnected

“I love you mom. I miss you all a lot.” he said, staring at the phone.

With heavy legs and a heavier heart, he walked back to his place. Climbing up the stairs, he saw one of his fellow residents being greeted by his children, the warmth and love of a family pouring out of their place. Waving towards the father, he trudged along the stairs and put his key into the lock. Opening the door, he switched on the lights of his place and was greeted by shrieks of “Happy Birthday!”

Shocked, he banged the door shut! He couldn’t believe his eyes! His eyes welled up with tears as he stood looking at his family. His girlfriend stood nearby holding out the chocolate cake for him.

He had never been happier!